“It only gets worse until it gets better”, is what he said in the context of my room as I was trying so hard to clean, organize, and throw out old belongings. However, the words stuck to me for many other reasons; reasons that I will soon elaborate on in this blog.
I had left the lecture hall, as there were a few individuals still trying so hard to either finish or look over their exams. I then walked with a friend to the bus stop, and had only a good two hours to study for my last exam. As time flew by, all I could think of is how weird it was going to be meeting someone new, from a different state, that wasn’t going to be Tom.
Nonetheless, it was a pleasure meeting and spending time with Sean, and I was more than grateful that for one, he didn’t make a pass at me, and two it was nice to have someone around to chill with for the first couple of days of my Spring Break.
Of course there were various moments of pure awkwardness and annoyance in which I felt as if I was the only one putting in effort in anything and everything. In that I mean, I was the only one thinking of things to do, movies to watch and every time I asked him for an opinion on what we should do, his apathetic attitude annoyed me quite it bit. When on the bus or even the train on our way to San Francisco, all he did was read.
However, please let me justify myself when I say there is nothing wrong with reading on a long train ride, but is it that necessary to read the whole time? I guess I was annoyed with it, because he did it often, even when we were around people, or even at the book store. It made me feel as though I were making his trip here boring, and worthless. Also, when he was here at my place, he was always on the internet, reading replies from people on forums, playing WOW or even chatting with people on aim.
I was annoyed because I felt that since he could have easily done these things back at home, he wasted some good time while being here. Time in which he could have seen much more, met new people or whatever. It was awkward, because at times I felt as if I was talking straight to a wall.
Whatever, it was nice to meet him though.
After he left on Wednesday, I knew that having the apartment to myself for the next couple of days was going to be treat. I was alone, truly alone, and it was bittersweet. I say that because at times I wish I had company, but at the end of the day, I knew deep down that having “me” time was best for me. I was able to reflect on a lot, and to find some closure.
Thursday was dedicated to FIDM hw as I call it, in which I finished applications, and endless phone calls with financial coordinators and advisers, and that was pretty much it.
Friday, I decided to go downtown and spend the day there, and it was absolutely perfect. The first thing I did was go to get my eyebrows waxed, in which it ended on a pretty bad note. The lady fucked up my left eyebrow, and after I paid, I vowed to never go there again. After that I went to Trader Joes to purchase raw almonds, and then to Longs drugs to purchase some tea followed by a stop to Pharmacy, where I had purchased some brow powder to hide what it looks to be a bald spot on my left brow.
I also stopped by my favorite salad bar/vegetarian/vegan food place where I had ordered an crimini mushroom salad plate, with a side order of hummus and pita chips. I was also drinking homemade Jamaica that tasted so good. After that I went to Urban Outfitters where I purchased a cardigan, and some shoes.
I decided that I had wanted to see a movie, so I saw A Haunting in Connecticut by myself and it was a pretty damn good movie, one of the scariest and saddest I’d seen in such a long time. I had chills, tears and some laughter---I’m a bit morbid.
After the film ended, I went to the art shop where I had purchased some sketching pencils.
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I went to Crossroads, and bought some boots. The boots are black, knee high and really cute.
Lastly, I went to Borders to read at the café where I had bought some peach tea. I read some more of Eclipse, and realized that it keeps getting better and better.
So Saturday I was with my family, it was nice but I hate seeing how dysfunctional we really are and how depressed everyone is, and it makes me sick. My mother treats my father like a kid; my brother and I wish they were in love again, but whatever. My aunt is on a verge of a great depression, my brother still so strong is hanging in there and counting the days until he off to college, and my father just seems so unhappy.
I dread it, and it makes me hate coming home for the summer; but I have too, so that I can keep my brother sane. He is so strong, I love him. We are so strong.
